ATTENTION, FUTURE-SHAPERS AND POLICY-WIELDERS
Melange regrets to inform you that the present is woefully under-optimised. Fortunately, our patented Nootropic News™ has been rigorously tested1 (see: Lab Rats Who Now Run Nations) to deliver 150% more foresight per headline than standard intelligence briefs.
HOW IT WORKS:
Harvest the week’s most important news in frontier technologies (AI, Quantum Computing, Biotech, etc.).
Distill into pharmaceutical-grade insights (our advanced filtration protocols remove 99.9% of hype, doom-scrolling residue, and thought leader contaminants).
Inject our intraocular infusion directly into your prefrontal cortex.
THIS MONTH’S INFUSION INCLUDES:
Breakthrough: Lab coats in Geneva solved existential boredom. Implications for your supply chain?
Warning: Quantum computers have successfully authored counterfactual poetry.
Pro-tip: Vials of synthetic humility show promising results for policymakers interacting with AGI.
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
For Science™, of course. Our algorithms are trained on a diet of 50% peer-reviewed journal pulp, 30% reconstituted filedraw fibres, 15% corporate espionage, and 5% vintage sci-fi (for flavour).2
Mandatory Compliance. Per Melange Ordinance §7.3, all citizens operating above IQ 130 must inoculate against obsolescence.
It’s ethical… probably. Unlike our competitors, we promise zero spontaneous neural misfiring.3
DISCLAIMER:
Melange: Nootropic News™ is not responsible for unplanned world-building or the urge to list your occupation as ‘Founder (Stealth Start-up)’. Seek medical advice if cravings last more than 4 hours.
No test subjects harmed yet. Days without incident: [redacted].
May not be safe for ordinary human consuption.
Rates may vary in alternate timelines. Void where cognition is prohibited.
